


Two Stormtroopers and a Baby

by AchromaticAgent



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Aromantic, Comedy, Gay Male Character, Homoromantic, M/M, Parenthood, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22123894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AchromaticAgent/pseuds/AchromaticAgent
Summary: The Child is now in the hands of a pair of Stormtroopers, seperated from The Mandolorian and his companions. (Very mild episode 8 spoilers.)TLDR; Trooper 1 & Trooper 2 decide to adopt Baby Yoda.
Relationships: Stormtrooper Character(s)/Stormtrooper Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 49





	Two Stormtroopers and a Baby

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic, first time ever writing pretty much anything so please be gentle.
> 
> I just want gay Stormtroopers becoming parents. But the interaction between the two of them can be interpreted as homoromantic, Aromantic or queerplatonic (?)
> 
> It's up to you really! I hope it gets a few laughs and gains these two troopers some redemption.

"What is that thing?"

"I don't know. Probably a pet or something. I didn't really get a good look at it."

"Can I see it?"

"No, it's staying in the sack."

"But you got to see it!"

"Yeah for a fraction of a second as I scooped it up off the sand and shoved it in the sack!"

"Come on!"

"No, it's staying in the bag until I deliver it to Gideon."

The two biker troopers had been bickering like this for the past few minutes, idling on their speeders as they awaited for confirmation to deliver the package to Moff Gideon.

"Any confirmation yet?" Trooper One quipped into his radio comm.

"No, Gideon just killed one of the troopers for interrupting him. It's going to be a few minutes longer." A staticy voice replied from the other end of the line, where things seemed to be getting tense.

"He  _ killed _ a trooper??" Trooper Two spoke up incredulously. Although really, it wasn't that surprising. Their Superior Imperial officers did this sort of thing often. It was sort of a running thing with the Empire. Ruthlessness.

"Yes, that's what happens to idiots that step out of line. Do you want to be one of those idiots? That step out of line?" One replied, tone short and irritable.

"No…" Two sighed, plopping back onto his speeder, knitting his gloved fingers together as silence fell between them, until the strange creature writhed about inside the sack.

"Quit it!" One growled, elbowing the bag to stifle the movements of the creature contained inside.

"Don't hit it like that! What if you hurt it!?"

"It's  _ fine."  _

_ …….. _

The pair sat in silence for about another minute. Another agonizingly long, boring minute.

Two pulled out his blaster, aiming for a piece of debris of some sort in the sand, a can, and let off a few blasts. Despite his incredibly close range, all three shots missed. He lowered his blaster in a mix of disappointment and shame as his helmeted head leaned to the side just enough to catch a glance of his partner's identically armored head swivel slightly back in a motion indicating he was very clearly rolling his eyes.

Wordlessly, One raised his own blaster as if to say 'this is how it's done.' and fired at the object several times as well. And, in true Stormtrooper fashion, all five shots had missed.

Neither said a word. The awkward silence continued. This time, uninterrupted. 

The pregnant pause lingered. Almost comically long, the only sound being the subtle noise of shifting sands in the breeze. No radio chatter either despite the action going on several miles away from the isolated pair of Rider Troopers.

"It's… been a while since that thing moved. Shouldn't we check on it?" Two hesitantly spoke up, throwing his leg over the side of his speeder to better face his companion.

"You just want to see it." One replied flatly.

"No- I just. Well if you want to deliver it to Gideon dead then he'll probably kill you next."

One couldn't argue with that. And so he reluctantly leaned towards his partner, hopped off his speeder, plopped the sack down on the back of the vehicle and threw the flap open.   
“See. It’s fine.” Then closed it.   
  
“What is that thing?”   
  
“I don’t know. But it’s fine.”   
  
Two hopped off his speeder and bent over slightly, lifting up the flap to stick a hand inside, poking at the creature with a finger. The strange wrinkly green child’s ears twitched, irritated, then suddenly snapped its tiny teeth onto the trooper’s gloved finger.   
  


"Ow!" Two yelped, retracting his hand from the bag, shaking the sudden unexpected pain out from his index finger from the creature's surprisingly painful bite.

Two swung a hand at the bag in retaliation, eliciting an unhappy yelp from within.

One held back a laugh. Served Two right for being such a pest about it. Maybe now he'd finally shut his yap while waiting for confirmation.

But, to One's dismay, after more long moments of silence, his frustratingly annoying partner spoke up again.

"W-what if it's poisonous..?"

"Then you'll probably die slowly and painfully." One replied flatly.

"Don't be like that! I'm being serious!" Two yelped, clutching his bitten right hand within his left. "What if there's poison and it gets into my bloodstream, or my finger falls off, what if I die??"

"It's  _ FINE _ ?"

"I don't want to die, if I had to die I'd rather go out fighting a Jedi or even just have Gideon take me out himself, a noble trooper death, yknow? Not losing my fingers one at a time or vomiting up all my blood or, or something!!"

"Two!! Just-- gah!! Let me see it!" Trooper One suddenly rose from his speeder, stomping into the soft sand towards his frantically fretting partner - Two was always overdramatic about the slightest things. Grabbing Two's flailing wrist midair and yanking at the fingers of the black glove.

"Stop! Stop! I don't wanna see it, what if it looks horrible?! I'm going to pass out if it looks bad, you know I will--!!" Two wailed in unreasonable panic as his glove was pulled off.

"It's fine." One said yet again. "You're making a big deal out of nothing, there isn't even a mark. Look."

Two opened his eyes, peering through the tinted plastic of his helmet’s lenses at his perfectly intact human finger. Not a scratch. Not a single blemish.

The trooper breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

One moved back to sit on his speeder and pulled out his comm again.

"Any confirmation yet? Do you copy, any confirmation yet?"

No reply, and the pair were met with silence yet again, albeit only very shortly before Two broke it once more.

"Can we check it,... to make sure?"

"Check what? Your hand is fine!"

"The thing, in the bag. Check it's mouth, teeth, to make sure it doesn't have any venom or something…"

"Two, come on!"

"I just want to be sure!"

" _ FINE!!! _ " one finally relented, irritably hoisting the bag from over his shoulder and shoving it towards his aggravating partner who opened the bag very, very carefully and slowly lowered his hands into the folds of the fabric, reaching in to grab hold of the small strange creature inside it this time more carefully as not to get bitten.

Two yanked the creature out, wincing inside his own helmet as of anticipating the creature to spit acid from it's mouth. But nothing happened. And instead the creature let out a coo.

One leaned to the side, seeing only the back of the creature green, wrinkled creature that was being hoisted at arm's length before them.

"What is that??"

"It's…" Two stammered. In fear? Was it fear? Apprehension? Surely the sight of this monstrosity's face was so horrific it rendered his partner speechless.

"Hideous?" One assumed.

"No,... it’s cute… it’s  _ adorable _ !" Two exclaimed.

"What??"

"Look at  _ yoooou _ , you’re a cute little thing. Yes yes you are." Two cooed in a babying voice only slightly distorted by his helmet as he beheld the small, green, fuzzy creature with long fennec fox-like ears protruding from the side of it's head. It's wide dark eyes shimmering in the suns of this planet's sky. "Were you scared? Is that why you bit me? It's okay, little guy."

"Two, what are you talking about?" One fumed. "Show it to me!!"

Two spun the tiny baby bundled in brown fabric around so One could behold it in all its precious, adorable wonder. The small Baby-Yoda's deep brown eyes beholding the seemingly identical Trooper #1 before its ears wiggled slightly and it let out another coo.

"Isn't he precious?" Two beamed beneath his bucket helmet.

"I guess." One replied.  _ Of course it was precious. _ But he wasn't about to admit to it.

"Don't get too attached to it."

Two brought The Child closer to his body, nestling it in his arms like you’re honestly supposed to hold a baby.

"What do you think they'll do with it?"

"Probably eat it or keep it as a pet or something."

"No!" Two practically screamed "They can't do that!! It's just a baby!"

"What'd I say about getting attached!?”   
  
“An innocent adorable baby!” Two insisted, tightening his hold on The Child as he slowly began rocking it in his arms instinctively. He looked down at the creature, which gazed up at him with large shiny eyes.

“I’m… I’m not going to do it, One...” he stammered out.   
  
“Do what?” One replied, pausing for a moment until the realization clicked in his head. “Ooooohhh no. No, no, no, no. Don’t you even think about it.”   
  
“I’m not going to give him to Gideon, One.” Two sputtered.   
  
“Don’t say it! What are you saying?” One shouted.   
“I’m not doing it!” Two insisted, as the pair slipped into bickering.   
“Are you INSANE!? You’re ABSOLUTELY INSANE.”   
“I can’t! I can’t let this happen!”   
“Gideon has killed probably hundreds of people over this thing, Two. You can’t-- !!”   
“We  _ can _ !!” Two shouted.   
  
A silence settled over the troopers once more.   
  
“We…?” One parroted dubiously.   
  
“Yes! We! You and I! I can’t do this alone, you know I can’t do this alone!”   
  
One brought a gloved hand to his visor, turning away from his companion in disbelief. Muttering to himself.    
“I can’t believe this. You can’t be serious!”   
  
His mind was racing. How could they do this? Why would they do this? Why would Two suddenly be willing to disobey orders? Willing to risk his life over this,... this  _ THING _ ? Was he crazy? Had he taken too many blaster shots to the head? Gotten his head and brain rattled in that white vacuum-formed bucket of his one too many times?   
One looked back to Two, although both their helmets hid their faces, One’s body language was obviously distressed, at his wit’s end.    
Until he saw Two. Who stood there, cradling this strange child in his arms, just staring at it. Bouncing it up and down in his arms. There was no changing it, was there? No talking him out of it.   
  
“You’re serious?”   
  
Two merely nodded, still looking down at the strange creature held in his arms.   
I mean, it was awfully small, bundled up in that big brown garment. Awfully, terribly small. Weak. Defenseless.   
  
It emitted another quiet coo, seeming to have calmed down from it’s earlier irritation from being smacked around while it was in the bag. One felt a pang of guilt. Then stepped closer to stand beside his partner and look down at The Child, who’s gaze turned from Two to One. Beholding the identical set of armor worn by the more irritable individual, taking in the gleaming reflection off the helmet’s brow with large shimmering eyes.   
One let out a heavy sigh before finally coming to a decision: “Fine.”   
  
If Two’s face were visible, he’d probably be beaming, based on how his shoulders rose upward in eager excitement. “Really?”   
  
“Yeah.” One resigned.   
  
“... It’s cute, isn’t it? That’s what made you change your mind, huh?” Two quipped smugly.   
  
“Don’t make me change it again!”   
  
Static suddenly buzzed on the comm mounted to One’s speeder, crackling noisily to life as a voice came over the frequency.   
  
“We have The Mandalorian and his allies surrounded. Confirmation to deliver the package. I repeat: Confirmation to deliver the package.”   
  
The pair looked to one another ominously as tension built in the air.   
“We can’t stay here. We have to go.” One announced as he threw his leg over his speeder and switched on the ignition.    
With a nod, Two mounted his speeder in one swift movement after carefully placing The Child back into the sack that he now pulled around his neck and in front of his chest. And the pair hurried off in a cloud of dust.   
  
  



End file.
